Since this morning (2026-10-01 ~02:00 UTC), every Serverless Function in my projects hangs whenever it attempts any outbound network I/O, and never returns.

What I've ruled out:

• Deployed a zero-dependency canary function (no DB, no third-party imports) to the existing project — it also hangs (~15s then invocation failure). So it's not my code or dependencies.
• Created a brand-new blank project: a function with no network access returns in ~1.4s (the platform itself runs fine), but a socket probe doing socket.create_connection(("1.1.1.1", 443), timeout=5) hangs. So ALL outbound TCP hangs, even to a literal IP address (this rules out DNS as well).
• From my own machine, the same destinations (Telegram Bot API, Neon Postgres) connect instantly — the destinations are fine.
• Tried pinning the function region to hkg1 and sfo1 — same result, so it doesn't look region-specific.

The Vercel status page shows all green, but the failure is 100% reproducible across two projects on my account.

Is there a known incident with function outbound networking right now, or could this be an account-level network restriction? Is there any way to get this escalated? My production Telegram bot is fully down because of this.